Today's Rant: Falling Into Depravity

Just now, I happened to stumble upon my New Year resolutions in my booknotes. After a series of unfulfilled resolutions from year to year, I almost gave up on the thought of making a new one. But I was eventually did it again this year. This is what my 2014 New Year Resolution looks like:

1. Become more creative by capturing new ideas
2. Engaging in challenging tasks
3. Broadening my knowledge by reading many books with interesting topics
4. Interacting with stimulating people and places

Yeah, I know, I know. It's too broad and unspecific. After several failed attempts to fulfilled my resolutions I felt like a crooked that couldn't keep her commitments. That's why I keep it simple and broad. Six months already passed, then I read those resolutions and feel a little bit ashamed of myself.  I still haven't do Resolution no. 1 and 2. Regarding resolution no. 3, I'd only finished 3 books (End This Depression Now, a good book from winner of Nobel Prize in Economics, Paul Krugman, How to be Interesting & The History of the World According to Facebook) and haven't finished the other 10 books that I bought earlier this year. But to be fair, I also take 3 courses from Edx, so you could say I'm on a right track to broadening my knowledge. For the Resolution no. 4, I've already attend a class of Akademi Berbagi Jakarta, meeting new friends, hearing inspirational stories, travels and go to several new places, but somehow it still haven't stimulated my spirits and mind. In fact, It feels like I restrain myself from those stimulating activities. I'm proficient in the art of finding excuses. Like I won't go because the fear of bad weather (heavy rain and stuff), fear of insecurity if I walk around at night in Jakarta, and thousands of other excuses. I'm not willing to left the comfort of my bed and take risk. I'm just lazy.

Somewhat I think I become a boring person. It made me angry with myself. What will my 13 years old self said to me if she meet me now? That girl that was willing to explore places that she never goes. Brave enough to take different routes to friend's houses, just to satisfy her curiosity whether there's a better and faster route to get there.  A girl that didn't hesitate to defend herself,  maintain peace amongst friends while always speak her mind. A girl that think the world is amazing until she learned to be cynical and become me. Maybe she would just ask me. "Did you falling into depravity?". And here I am wondering, why did I let negative emotions corrupts me, take away my empathy into apathy? Oh geez, I'm blabbering again.

The thing is, I've decided to do Resolution no. 2. I will do a challenging task! Considering how I have difficulty to keep my commitment, I decided to do something that probably is a nightmare for a lazy person like me. I will write a blog post everyday in July! So it will be 31 posts with this as the first post! Please wish me luck and look forward to my articles, okay? .^^