Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Today's Rant: For You Whom I Have Met and Haven't Met Yet

One of my most favorite scene in Hunter x Hunter anime is when Gon say to Killua that he's glad he got to know him while Killua think it backwards, that he should be the one who feel grateful to have met Gon. Awww... So sweet.... What a beautiful friendship between 2 different people with different personality. That scene made me thought about a lot of things. Friendship, fate, life, humanity. Human is both an individual and social being. We want a sense of autonomy while still have dependence with each other. No matter how independent or individual a human can be, they usually still longed for recognition, respect, and love from other people. There's always a hole in our heart that can only be filled with our relationship with people around us. 

People say that God bring someone into your life for a reason. Either they come as a blessing or a lesson. For the 27 years of my life I've met bunch of people with different attitude, values and norms. I enjoyed being with different kind of person because I found out that human being is amusing. :D. I usually had a pure interest to other people's thought and experiences. Really, I was good at making friends, even with someone who normally avoided by others. Conversely, now I tend to think that other human beings are troublesome. :D. I don't know. Maybe I was bored dealing with so many people. Because getting ups and down in our relationship with other people sometimes are miserable and tiring. It tend to waste my emotion towards something that I deemed not productive. I was friendly, often have initiative to start a conversation with other people. But now it increasingly difficult to me to blend into a new environment. Let alone blend into a new place, now even when I have to talk to a stranger I feel clunky. Although I'm very aware that our ability to communicate and build networks with others have a profound impact on our career, lately I'm not interested in making new friends. I just don't care. Am I just being too individual right now, or what?

All of my life I always feel out of place. Even when I was in a crowd with my friends, I often feel alone. It doesn't help either that my taste and preferences usually different with other people. When I watch movie with my friends in a cinema, we usually ended up being in different theaters because we watch different movies. >///<. I don't like bands or artist that they adore and vice versa. When I go karaoke with my friends, they usually don't have any idea about the songs that I sing there. I love anime and manga, while they thought that it's just for kids and judge anyone who like them is still childish (they clearly never read a manga before. That's why I never bother to explain myself). Rather that buy fancy fashion items in shopping sphere like my friends, I usually buy books instead. I love to go to museums, place that associated with words  "shabby" and "uninteresting" by my friends. The list goes on and on.... It's not surprising that many people think that I'm a bizarre and eccentric person. That's why I'm really glad someone invented internet. I can be connected with people who have same passion and preferences! I don't feel like I'm alone anymore. Then I realize that my reluctance to communicate with other person may be have something to do with the feelings that no one understand me. My one-sided feelings where I think I always try to tolerate them, to understand them but they never try to put up with me, make me think why I have to care? Why making new friends when I couldn't hope they will try to understand me? Without I realize, I gradually interact with people only as necessary.

Back to the topic about Gon and Killua, recently I've come to conclusion that everyone always feel slightly different with other people. So, there's no reason for me to feel that I'm the only one that out of place or not understood by other people. Well, no human is the same. Not's just me, everybody is unique with their own bizarreness. So I think it's unlikely that there's people who will understand us perfectly. If I think about it now, human beings are interesting exactly because we can't fully understand them. There's a magic of curiousness that surrounding the word "unknown". He he he. As usual, this mindless rant begin spiraling out of control. I just want to say to people that I have met that I will try to get rid of my reluctance to interact with you. For you whom I haven't met yet, I look forward to meet and know you. Maybe I can even find my "Gon" or "Killua" amongst you. Now I'll sod off. Let me relax for a while, clear my mind, free some space for creativity and excitement. So that I'm ready to ride the swing of life and face the world tomorrow.


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